I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

Marriage is hard.

My husband and I have almost called it quits at least one serious time in our marriage. At other times we’ve thrown serious words around. When I say “serious”, I mean long term. If you’ve never said the word “divorce” at least in your head, at least once, have you every really had it hard? I don’t know what hard is for you, but he and I? In the last decade? We’ve had it hard.

Making it Work

There are definitely times in a marriage when you just have to “make it work”. You hold onto a few good memories, take a vacation, plan a romantic getaway. It may be a last ditch effort, it may be a way to go through the motions, it may be what you need to get over a hump, but somehow it makes it work.

It’s like living paycheck to paycheck. You just “get by”, maybe overdraft your account, maybe ignore a few overdue bills and ignore some calls from a creditor. You know things will look up soon (who knows how, but they will).

So many marriages are just “making it work”, and I’m here to say, there’s a better way.

Sports Analogies Aren’t Just for Men

When a team is struggling, can’t get the ball, and can’t get any headway on the field, the least they can do is try and make the first move. If that makes no sense to you, then you may know about sports, and it may be obvious that I don’t.

I do remember that in eighth grade (the only year I was interested or talented enough to be on the cheerleading squad), we sang a lot about the offense. Can a team “get by” with a great defense? Yes. Can they win? Maybe not. Offense, however, is a different story. With a great offense, you can stay one step ahead of the opponent. You can catch the ball midair, you can block the blows. When you have a strong offense, you can even prevent the other team from scoring.

For those who I’ve lost (either because you’re not interested in sports, or you’ve realized I don’t know anything about sports), hang with me.

Planning Your Life

As often as you have a plan for your diet, fitness, health, job, or anything else, you should have a plan for your marriage. You plan to go out with a girlfriend on a weekend getaway once a year? Plan a date night with your husband! You plan to watch the game or UFC match on pay-per-view this weekend? Take your wife out for Chinese food.

If you keep track of your meals and fitness and can recall exactly how many calories you have left for dinner and a late-night snack, but can’t remember the last time you were intimate with your spouse, you’re way off.

What about that Bible reading plan you’ve been using? The 200 day streak you have on your Bible app is nice, but you haven’t read the Bible with your husband, or prayed with your wife in as many days (or more).

For as much planning as you bring to the rest of your life, bring that to your marriage.

Have I not convinced you?

Challenge yourself.

In the same way you may challenge yourself to give up fast food for a week, decide to wake up early and do something for your spouse. Ask your husband to pray your bedtime prayers for you tonight. Ask your wife what she’s reading, what she needs, what she’s learning. Find out what your spouse wants. It may surprise you.


That’s it.

Just talk. It saved my marriage. It saves us from every fight, saves us from every hurt, saves us from unnecessary heartache. We started talking one day, and we’ve never gone back.