What I’m feeling on Day 88:

When my husband asks me, “Are you sad today?” I still reply, “I’m always sad.”

What I’m learning on Day 88: 

We can, as humans, experience both peace and pain. We can hold both joy and sorrow. We can be grateful and upset. We can cry out to God in despair and praise Him for His incredible holiness in the same moment, the same prayer.

God created us as multi-functional, multi-faceted miracles. While we live, we can do hundreds–thousands–of things at once. While we live, we can love with the very love of God Himself. Like our Heavenly Father, our love doesn’t stop when our loved one dies. It continues on in the way we live, the way we love others, the way we love ourselves.

Feelings should not lord over our lives and actions but are part of our miraculous creation. Feelings can be a great gift from the Lord when we lean into them, feel them, and process them.

“My cup overflows” doesn’t always mean you’re full of joy and happiness. Sometimes it also means you’re carrying painful experiences as well. Keeping the experience is important. Grief is important, but it doesn’t have to take over.

A Prayer for Day 88:

Father in Heaven, I have trudged through despair these days and weeks, but I know you are with me now as you have been before. Don’t let me forget your faithfulness to your people throughout history, but also to me, my family, and myself. You are a faithful, loving God Who speaks truth and speaks it into existence. Your Word says, “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5, NIV). I believe Your Word, and I believe joy will come again. I don’t have to wait for Your soon return. I can have joy now. Fill me with Your Spirit today–every day. Through Your Spirit alone, I can endure this and all things. In Jesus’ name, I pray, ask, and believe. Amen.

A scripture for Day 88:

I invite you to read a passage of scripture that brings peace to my life. Write it out in your own words with pen and paper. In this way, you will own the words. Once you’re finished, underline, circle, or highlight those verses you want to remember today. Here are mine in my own words, inspired by Psalm 34:

I looked for God. I called for Him. He heard me and picked me up out of my fears and troubles. He saved me.

The angel of the Lord encircles me because I fear and respect Him. He is close enough to save me.

Taste and see. Take Him in and see He is good.

He watches me, and He hears me. When I cry out to Him, He knows my heart.

Because He is close, He knows my heart is broken and will save me from being crushed under it.

He has.