For Donnette Roston, an experienced K-12 teacher and nanny living in Denver, Colorado, life as a single Christian is good. In her spare time she enjoys reading, hiking, listening to music and spending time with family. Cooking is her specialty and her delicious cakes and cupcakes have a reputation of their own.
Roston is the second of four children born to Nathaniel and Terri Roston. She gave her life to Christ on her seventh birthday and today she is an active member of the New Community Adventist Church. Roston has a heart for young people and serves as the Rocky Mountain Adventist Youth Federation president. Her selfless spirit and strong desire to help others makes her unique. She is a giver, putting others before herself as she steps in to bless those around her.
Singleness is not Plan B
Despite what many people think, “singleness, dating and marriage are not the main storyline of life,” Roston states. “God cares deeply about your love life—even more than you do—but there’s something big playing out. The bigger storyline is that we have fallen short of what God intended us to be. The world is a mess, but the good news is God is on the move.”
Roston believes that with Christ there is purpose in the timing, and there’s purpose in the process, but each person must choose whether to view singleness as a filler for the rest of life or focus on becoming healed, healthy and whole—the best version of yourself. “Whether you are 30 or 80, you’ve probably been tempted to believe that time is flying by and no one can stop it,” Roston says. “Pressure from society starts to weigh on you if you never get married and never have children. False. As long as you’re alive, you’re not too old.”
Feeling invisible
Yet as a single Christian—no matter how hard she tries to fight it—Roston often wonders if anyone notices her, especially in the church, where singles tend to be overlooked in ministry. “The reality is, you start to believe you did something wrong. People ask ‘Why are you still single?’ and you begin to internalize that question,” explains Roston.
But Roston affirms that there is a God who sees each one of us. “He knows you by name and knows where to find you and your brokenness,” she says. “Every battle against discouragement and despair starts in our minds. We become what we think about.” Roston adds that we can renew our minds and find joy by focusing on the truth of God’s promises.
Whether your season of singleness is long or short, you can know that God has a purpose for your life. All that is left is for you to ponder the question: What will that look like for me? “Regardless of whether you are a married follower of Jesus or a single follower of Jesus, we can together link arms and make a difference for the kingdom,” Roston emphasizes.
Created to relate
God desires for us to have relationships. Regardless of our relationship type—single, married, divorced, widowed—we were created to relate. Time as a single person should be characterized by deep friendships that will hold each other accountable and keep loneliness and isolation at bay. Roston points out that a foundation of close friendships will help individuals stand strong in the midst of the stresses and strains of life. “You need people who love God, who love you and who aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re being an idiot!”
This season is also a time to invest in God’s Word and prepare your heart and mind for service. With the support of God’s Word and godly friends, you will be able to take a stand for something that matters. “Take care of you, and use this time to work on yourself,” Roston advises. “Get the counseling and support you need now as a single person to work through any unresolved issues of forgiveness.”
Roston believes individuals should do this not just for their own sake, but for the sake of those who might believe in Christ because of their example of faith and forgiveness. “Remember, you are never a victim of your circumstances, because God uses everything that happens to you for your blessing and His glory,” she concludes.
SIDEBAR
The Waiting Room of Life
In this hurry-up world, waiting for anything can cause us to lose our temper and our mind, if we’re being honest. However, as human beings, we learn some of life’s greatest lessons while we wait. God promises His richest blessings to those who wait for Him.
WHEN WE WAIT ON GOD …
- We learn His will: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. (Rom. 8:28 NLT)
- We receive new strength: He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. (Isa. 40: 29-31 NLT)
- We win the fight: For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for Him! (Isa. 64:4 NLT)
While we actively wait, God actively works. Although waiting can be one of the more difficult things in the Christian life, it’s not wasted time. When we choose to wait on Him, God will use the long pauses in our lives to bless us in large and unexpected ways.
