He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities.” Micah 7:19
A timid voice called from across the dark hall. I wanted to cry. Not because it was the middle of the night or because our little guy had another accident. My feet managed to find his bed where I spotted the round, wet mark. I tucked my hand under the bottom sheet and mattress pad. The bed was dry. Wearily I remade it, and then sat on the floor waiting for Andrew to come back from the bathroom. Instead of hurrying him back to bed, I lingered. My heart ached after another difficult day. So many wasted moments. Too much overreacting. Not enough gentleness, self-control, or laughter in our home. I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to be as a mom. My negative behavior was showing up in my boys. Was I failing them, failing God? ‘Mommy guilt’ pressed in hard, bringing great discouragement and no sleep so far that night.
Beside a pile of soiled sheets I held him. Reaching for a clean quilt, I wrapped Andrew up in its sturdy comfort. He nestled into my arms and I gazed at him with wonder as if he was still my little newborn. He looked up with warm eyes, his face bearing the most peaceful smile.
“Mommy is sad when I do wrong things,” I admitted.
“I know,” he said thoughtfully, “I do wrong things, too.” I was stunned by his insight.
Automatically I prompted encouragement, “But, who forgives us?”
Micah 7 and me: word study
Who is a God like You? My thoughts echoed the prophet in Micah 7:19, 20. YOU have compassion on me after all I’ve done. You have put the kibosh on¹ Satan’s plans to overwhelm me with my guilt. You kept Your promise by sending Your Son to crush him, forgive me, and set things right again. Right now, I am still waiting for the end of the story where there is no trace of sin anywhere. I want it gone now! Outwardly, inwardly, and everywhere. The Bible truths I mined in this study have done much to squelch lies I was starting to accept. I am not mastered by sin and guilt. You are my only Master.
The song returns
As my study concluded, I was aware of a song. It all came back as clearly as when I first wrote it.² Perfect fit. Listen!
You are the only One,
The only One for me.
You are the only One,
Now I can clearly see.
You brought me up from the muddy waters,
You dried my feet in the air.
You set me down on solid ground.
My path You have prepared.
How can it be?
So tender, kind and true
By faith, I’ll walk this way with You,
Because You are the only One.
Here was encouragement from God to keep living my days with Him. My little boy understood. Holding him in my arms I felt so close to God’s heart. Pretty soon he sat up and crawled into bed like always. He didn’t linger on my guilt. Another day was coming, just like today. He knew we would have lots of I love yous, I’m sorrys, and I forgive yous. And that was fine with him.
My hand brushed through his hair and I smiled. A sweet scent of hope reached me. I gulped in a breath and headed back to bed. Little did I know that in a few hours I would open a day of faith-building Bible study, unlike I have experienced in many months. All I could do was allow my eyes to shut and relive those precious moments with my son. God’s compassion had tucked us in for the night.
¹ Micah 7:19. “Subdue” in the Hebrew is pronounced kaw-bosh, reminding me of hearing a form of “put the kibosh on“ in my family. http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/put+the+kibosh+on Web sites I visited were unsure of the origin of this phrase, but I think I know! Isn’t it fun to think past diapers and dishes once in a while? See also: http://biblesuite.com/hebrew/3533.htm http://bibleencyclopedia.com/subdue.htm
² A part of this song would be missing without showing you a picture of Jesus that I cherish. http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/as-i-have-loved-you/laughing-baby-2/