“God, I’m on my knees with tears in my eyes not knowing what You’re wanting to tell me, but I’m finally listening.”
“My dear child, I’ve been wanting to talk to. I’ve got wonderful things to share.”
Earlier this week, on October 25, I felt God was telling me to prepare for Africa. And not after school, but now!
The next morning, I sold my car, paid off my bills, talked to some of my teachers to get the go-ahead, told my family, planned with someone to oversee my well project, and the list goes on. When God calls, who am I to deny Him? He’s my Lord and Savior, the One who gives me the breath of life. And with every breath He gives, I want to live that moment for Him serving others.
Over those next two days I prayed for guidance. Unceasing prayer and worship. Starting and ending my day with my Savior. I couldn’t get enough of Him and listening to His beautiful voice. Wanting to take every step with Him holding my hand and leading the way.
Thursday night, a new message came. “Next summer—this is the date I want you to aim for now.”
This message was shocking! It was clear, but I still didn’t understand it. Why did God have me tell people and do all that I did, and then seem to change His mind? I was committed to following but I couldn’t help feel like I was in a car headed on vacation, and then the driver all of a sudden says, ”Oh wait, I know you’ve taken off work and planned everything around this trip, but let’s do it next year instead.” Not what I wanted to hear! Despite my apprehension, I accepted God’s decision. He knew the plan all along and I surrendered it to Him. He turned me around.
The next day I went in to work and talked with Brenda. She asked me if I felt like I was certain God wants me to stay.
“I’m not sure,” I replied, “because I don’t have the confidence when I tell people that I can clearly explain why I’m not going.” I know the wonderful things God has brought out of this week in inspiring others to give their lives to Him and bringing me closer, and this makes me grateful. But am I really to stay? The doubts come again. But then what Brenda says next makes everything clear.
“This experience may be similar to the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac.” God had asked me to give up my soon graduation, my friends, my family, and my comfort to serve Him. And right before I was to complete that sacrifice of my future here in America, He says, ”Wait! Before you seal your future plans, I want to give it back to you. You’ve surrendered it to me. I’m going to see that you will go to Africa later, but for now, I want to give you your desires. To finish school. To keep your internship. To spend more time with your family. And now remember these last couple days that you gave 100 percent of your heart and life to Me? Continue to live as if tomorrow may never come.”
God’s used this to bring me into His loving arms. To see that He is the only one that truly holds my future in the palms of His hands. I don’t need to worry about the future because He’s had it on His schedule since before time began. What an awesome God!