It’s difficult to put into words, but 27 years ago, my dad had a life-changing experience. A tractor ran him over from head to foot, and it almost killed him. That was the day that life for my mom and me changed as well.
After being in the hospital and rehab from Labor Day until almost Christmas, my dad came home…to live with us permanently. Life wasn’t easy. Assisting and adjusting to my dad was rough. He’d always been around, but he was a ramblin’ man. A gypsy. A guy who made his own rules and lived a thousand lives, doing a thousand different jobs…and then he came to live with us permanently.
He couldn’t drive or work anymore. He was on a bunch of meds. His free, independent lifestyle was gone. So, his anger grew. I’m sure it was grief. He suddenly depended on others telling him what he could and could not do.
And it all rocked my teenage world. However, with all the ups and downs, there was good. He was later a wonderful grandpa to my girls, and he became a softer, gentler husband…most of the time.
I believe he grew closer to Jesus than he would have without the accident.
Even though it was rough, I’m glad he survived. But the memories are bittersweet.
Here are 27 things I learned after this life-changing event:
1. 27 years later, the pain still swells up from time to time.
2. Life is short. Make the most of today, because tomorrow your world might be different.
3. What you had will never be the same as before…
4. …but it might be better.
5. Time does heal wounds…
6. …but the wounds are still there.
7. Grief changes the way you look at your life; it changes shape over time…
8. …but love is what stays.
9. It’s OK to mourn what you had. Grief is weird…
10. …crying is normal. So is not crying. We process differently.
11. Some days you can forget…
12. …and other days you can’t get out of bed.
13. You learn to carry the weight, rather than waiting for it to disappear.
14. You grow stronger, even if you don’t feel like you are.
15. The world can’t understand your specific pain, even if you had family and friends who suffered too. Everyone grieves differently.
16. It’s OK to celebrate by remembering birthdays and anniversaries.
17. Honoring what was lost and embracing what is still here can happen at the same time.
18. Joy and sadness can co-exist in the same moment.
19. Remember the good times that you had.
20. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but of courage.
21. You can laugh and feel joy without feeling guilty.
22. Your capacity to feel deep pain reflects your capacity to feel deeply.
23. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you would with a friend, while you process what has happened.
24. You might forget an anniversary, a birthday, or a special day, and you aren’t a bad person for doing that.
25. You can reduce your expectations. Nothing is forever.
26. You are allowed to look forward to tomorrow, to plan, to dream, to have a future.
27. God is there, even when you can’t see Him, and it feels like you’ve been deserted.
My dad has been resting in Jesus for eight years now, but my mom and I continue to learn from our life-changing experience that Labor Day weekend. We look forward to the time when there will be no more tears, pain, suffering, or death, according to Revelation 21:4.
Kayla Stanley is a member of the New Creation Church in Lincoln, Nebraska.
