Vulnerabilities And Insecurities
Do you share your vulnerabilities or insecurities to others? Lately conversations and much criticism about vulnerability and insecurities have been more frequent than before. I am not completely sure however, the various economic, social, and other community affected crises facing the nation seems to be the undercurrent. As families and individuals make appeals for help in their medical or financial situations, their stories are told to give a face to the need. Take for instance the conversation about In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is a very intimate and vulnerable one and for many years, women have journeyed through this roller coaster of emotional highs and disappointment in silence. But now women are more open to sharing their journey without shame, maybe because there is more language for the emotions in their journey and women can ask for community and heal through the power of empathy. Social Worker and acclaimed expert on shame and vulnerability The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story.”
Brown also makes a profound statement on the relationship between shame and perfectionism. “Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.” Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being EnoughI don’t know of anyone I have met who have not shared that at some point in their lives, they have faced a battle of insecurity leaving us trying to hide behind pseudo-strengths in hopes that no one sees the weakest parts of us.
Insecurities Have Roots
What is good to remember is that insecurities have roots and many different reasons for the adverse effects it has in people’s lives. Psychologist and author Dr. Melanie Greenberg offers key points about the insecurities we battle:
- Insecurity can be based on recent failures: Research shows up to 40% of one’s “happiness quotient” is based on recent life events.
- Social anxiety from being bullied or having critical parents can lead to insecurity.
- Perfectionism not only can cause insecurity, but depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic fatigue as well.
These roots come from foundational earthquakes which crack through the “normalities” of life and create open spaces for seeds of false and emotionally compromising stories which the enemy tells us through the events, unsafe people and repeated by us to protect the cracked places in our hearts. Distrust, insecurities, self hate, comparisons, jealousy, doubt, fear, injuries, hurts, divorce, breakups, breaches, job loss…and the list is eternal. However, although the list is eternal, its root is found in Spiritual Warfare namely psychological warfare birthed from the lies of Satan that we are mistreated by an inhuman, unfair, abusive, and abandoning God, and these lies have infiltrating our minds tied to our generational trees and repeated with every new generation.
“…He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.” John 8:44
Remedial Tools!
There is no one formula to overcome our insecurities and the roots of them other than the forever presence and protection of God, the power of the Holy Spirit and the mind and victory of Jesus. Isaiah 41:10-13
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.11 “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.12 Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Here are some spiritual and tools which may be helpful to strengthen the journey to overcoming our insecurities and improve our mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational health.
- Courage: Talk to those roots and tell them the truth of God’s word over your life. Joshua 1:9
- Awareness: Face them with both eyes (physical and spiritual). Psalm 119:18
- Ownership: Acknowledge that they exist. Matthew 7:16-23
- Self awareness: Accept that you alone cannot dig up full grown, established, humongous, long roots. Proverbs 20:5
- Seek help: We were made for village victory. We need a community of friends, therapists, prayer, etc. Hebrews 10:24–25
- Be vulnerable: You are not the only ones facing the task of pulling up and destroying toxic roots. 2 Corinthians 12:9
- Be Accountable to God: We are accountable to God for our lives. Romans 14:12
- Persevere: Press through the “giving up” days. 2 Chronicles 15:7
- Hope: Keep it alive so it can cancel doubt and calm fears and in return, renew commitment. Romans 15:13
- Commit: It’s a process which takes time. It didn’t happen overnight and it won’t correct overnight either. Proverbs 16:3
- Build: The cracked foundation leaves a gap when the roots are pulled up. It will need to be refilled. Proverbs 24:3-4
- Grieve: There will be loss with the process as things come up but God is nearest to those who grieve. Psalms 34:18
- Be patient: Be patient with yourself. Self love and care seals the work. Romans 12:12
The fantastic news is this, there is always another choice you can make to heal and embrace vulnerability. We owe it to ourselves to not accept defeat and cycles of dysfunction. Life has so much more amazing adventures to offer so don’t settle for pain, misery, and insecurities!
Uproots these damaging messages, overcome Satan’s lies, and live in the name of Jesus!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
