We experience the pain differently, and we recover differently. In Job’s case, he wished for death instantly and longed for it for some time. This is part of the bereavement process for him. He did not want to go on in this world. What was he thinking? I can only guess. Giving up and going to the grave seems to be the most obvious thought he had. I suppose he wanted God to end the pain by ending his life. Suicide by God perhaps. But his knowledge of God would not permit him to ask this directly of God.
If you can’t exit this world as you suffer and you must carry on, a natural experience is to complain. And Job goes on a streak of complaints, almost like a sermon series before the altar of God. Many of the following chapters are a list of complaints, some very direct and even clever. Job is a man of wisdom and he applies wisdom to his complaint sermons and attempts to adjudicate God and his plan. It’s almost as if he takes God to court, to sue God.
In chapter 7 of Job, He calls out God for paying too much attention to mankind.
17 “What is mankind that you make so much of them,
that you give them so much attention,
18 that you examine them every morning
and test them every moment?
19 Will you never look away from me,
or let me alone even for an instant?
20 If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
you who see everything we do?
Why have you made me your target?
Have I become a burden to you?[a]
21 Why do you not pardon my offenses
and forgive my sins?
For I will soon lie down in the dust;
you will search for me, but I will be no more.”
Job 7:17-21 NIV
I can’t help but notice that God does not shut Job down or attempt to silence him. God lets him complain and complain.
Job 10:1 “I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul. Job understood what he was feeling and how he was reacting. In short, he was bitter. He wanted to sue God for better treatment or at least, to be left alone to die in what little peace he might find.
In her landmark book, On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A lot of research and debate has taken place over grief and bereavement since her writings and other stages have been added and some stages have been rearranged in order, some stages not appearing at all. All this means is that we all grieve in different ways and we recover in different ways.
Job was in a Complaint phase. I surely would be as well. I don’t know if I could complain as long as he did or if I would even last as long as he did. But I surely understand his complaining and perhaps bargaining with God.
For those that are experiencing loss, these stages can be useful markers to help you in bereavement. I doubt that you ever get over this kind of grief and I’m unsure that you ever can say you are past any certain phase. But you can understand what you are feeling today and maybe even why you are feeling it. With Job, it might have started with Denial, all though I don’t see much of that in the book. If he was angry, he kept a lot of that in. But bitterness he admitted to.
Identifying your feelings and then finding people that can accept your feelings and labeling your feelings are all part of the path of bereavement. Job’s friends are not very good at this. Frankly, with friends like that I would go crazy in a minute. His friends were looking for someone or something to blame for Job’s misfortunes and suffering. This too is natural but in my experience with the dying, not very helpful. The most helpful thing in Job’s tragic story is that he learned to tell God how he really felt and trusted that God listened to him without judging him.
If you are grieving, this is what you owe to God and to yourself. Honesty and candid expression of your pain and feelings. As Job pointed out, God knows all about us. He needs to know that we are honest with ourselves in order to heal and He knows that as we declare our feeling honestly with Him. Job is our model for this bereavement.
